Saturday, December 19th, 2020
"Who you become while you are waiting is as important as what you are waiting for." -Nicky Gumbel
The journey is always the thing I want to rush past to get to the destination. If you are anything like me, I am all about the goal; if there is a shortcut I am looking for it, who wants to take their time on the in between? Exactly! But I have been learning that the journey is necessary throughout my life, the process is robust, and that the waiting is not punishment but preparation. Thank you, Pastor Mike Todd, for that reminder. I have been on a journey for the last twenty-two years, yes, twenty-two years. For some of you reading this, that is longer than the entirety of your life. For others, it is but a snapshot of your life. I have been on an educational journey to get my college degree and my graduate degree. Twenty-two years. I wish that I could tell you that I have been excellent in the entirety of the journey, but that is not true. I have whined, rebelled, cried, been angry, been bitter, and all the emotions in between.
I started my college career at Samford University in 1999; yes, I know; go ahead and sing the Prince song lyrics, I get it. When I went off to school, my parents were in marital strife. They had their good years, that head their rough years, yet they seemed always to be able to figure it out. Yet, with everyone out of the house except for my little brother, things got worse rather than better. This tension only continued, and the strain grew to a breaking point. I was aware of all that was going on, yet I was going through my struggles, adjusting to college life, and figuring out how to pay for it. It all came to a head at the end of my first semester, and I decided to go back home to support my family and be there for my little brother; not an easy one; this meant that my college journey was going to be put on hold.
Going back home was no walk in the park; there was much in my family that had become unraveled. I just stepped in and was present for my little brother. I tried to love my mom well and tried to have a somewhat normal relationship with my dad, which was always a struggle up to that point. I tried to be a friend to my little brother and look after him and, in the meantime, tried to hold on to my faith that seemed to be slipping through my fingers in light of the circumstances that I found myself in. I felt like God wasn't keeping his side of the bargain; I didn't sign up for this, I didn't want to be home, I didn't want the responsibility of taking care of a young human, and I definitely didn't want to be helping my parents in their marital issues, yet here I was.
My parents ended up getting a divorce, my mom ended up moving to Indiana with someone she decided to walk into a relationship with, my younger brother went with her. I was left at my house with my dad that was mourning the loss of his marriage in his way. I had a former youth pastor reach out to me and invite me to step into my calling in ministry. I was a bit reluctant to do so for so many reasons, but I relented and took a step. The school conversation came up, and I told him that I would look into it. As I looked into it, I realized that the obstacle for me to go to school was more extensive than I thought. The loan that I took out to pay for school was due immediately, and needless to say; I did not have the means to pay it. So I began working and interning in the meantime. I would avoid the topic of school because it made me feel less than all of my friends were pursuing their goals and dreams via walking through their education without any hiccups, so it seemed. I was holding all of these emoticons and hurts in because I thought strong meant that you didn't talk or deal with the hurts. This came to a breaking point one Sunday in church, we had a guest worship leader who was very in tune with the Holy Spirit, and while he was leading us, he said that he sensed that there was someone in the room which was caring more than they could handle and was mad at God for the hand that He seemed to deal them. Well, I knew that he was talking to me, and I started to cry, and the dam broke on all that had been building within me. I shared with the group all that was going on and what the obstacles were with school. A few days after this very vulnerable moment, I received a phone call from a former Sunday school teacher, and he asked me what was standing in the way of school, and I told him, and he told me that he felt led to help and asked if I would allow him to help, reluctantly I said "yes."
It took a while for the obstacle to be removed for school to happen, but eventually, it did happen. There were more following; there always seemed to be a problem with financial aid or something that had to do with finances. I also started dating a young lady, moved churches, and then got a full-time opportunity to step into a full-time ministry position. Of course, I accepted it. Still, this tap on my shoulder about the school and those that I worked with continue to remind me about school. I got married, begin having kids, stepped into school online for a while, then moved churches, and this church moved at a breakneck pace, not leaving much extra time for anything outside of being a part of my family. Yet aging, the tap on my shoulder never left, then we moved churches again and started the process of getting acclimated all over again. Still, school was always in the recesses of my mind, not that I needed it to do what I was doing, but because it was a matter of obedience. Then after a few years, an opportunity became available for us to move closer to home, which is Atlanta, and we knew it was right. So we stepped.
As we became acclimated to our new ministry invitation and our new city, I had an opportunity to receive assistance with school. As I was presented with this unique opportunity, I was remainder about a graduate school that would allow one student a year to step into the graduate program as long as they could document all the learning they received on their journey to supplement for an undergrad diploma. The requirements were daunting, and even if they could provide enough evidence, the initial semester would be a trial run to see if you could handle the weight of a graduate program. I began the journey of collecting all the information and applying, and to my surprise, I was accepted. I was very nervous about my first semester because it would set the tone for the remainder of my graduate school journey. It had also been a while for me to engage with school while having a full-time job, marriage, and three kids. Was I crazy for trying? Or is this just what obedience looks like?
Matthew 7:24-27 NIV says this,
24 "Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
Even though you are obedient, it doesn't mean that it is easy. It is all about the foundation, the storm still comes, but you can weather the storm because of the foundation. The storm raged, balance a graduate program, being a daddy, husband, camp speaker, full-time pastor, and friend is stormy. There were moments that I wanted to quit; there were moments where I questioned why I was doing this. The reason I was doing it wasn't so people would think more of me, but because I had been invited to go on a journey with the King, one that would refine me and make me more like the King. May I pause here and ask you a question? What is the journey you have been invited to? How is it going? Do you know that in due time through the process, you will look more like the King? Do you know that the journey is not punishment but preparation? Do you know you have been invited to stride with the King and not strive for something you think will fulfill you? The King is enough; stride with Him.
Matthew 11:28-30 MSG says,
28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
The invitation is to walk with the King and stride with him. The invitation is to trust him and allow Him to be enough for the journey. The school's journey was leveraged to reveal to me that I could not do it alone and that I had been invited to stride with the King and we would get to the destination, but the journey was necessary and preparation for the next leg of the journey.
After a heck of a journey, after a lot of self-doubts, a lot of sacrifice by my family, a lot of stress-filled hours, after a lot of support from many around me, I graduated with my Master's degree. I learned on this journey that it was not just about the piece of paper that will be hanging on my wall eventually, but it is more about what needed to be revealed as I walked with the King and trusted Him with the next step. There were moments on the journey where I did not journey well, yet, His grace was sufficient. Why did I take the time to write this? Well, for a couple of reasons, the first, it comes back to obedience. This is me continuing to be obedient. The other reason is for you, yes you, maybe you needed a little encouragement to keep going and a bit of a reminder that God is faithful. It says this in the book of Philippians in the first chapter, the sixth verse, "6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
God didn't bring you this far on the journey to leave you here. Stride with him and say "yes" to your next step of obedience in faith. Know that sometimes the storms will rage, but the King's firm foundation is more than sufficient. Remember to stride with the King and not strive for things.
Nick
