Remember to stride...

Saturday, December 19th, 2020

"Who you become while you are waiting is as important as what you are waiting for." -Nicky Gumbel

   The journey is always the thing I want to rush past to get to the destination. If you are anything like me, I am all about the goal; if there is a shortcut I am looking for it, who wants to take their time on the in between? Exactly! But I have been learning that the journey is necessary throughout my life, the process is robust, and that the waiting is not punishment but preparation. Thank you, Pastor Mike Todd, for that reminder. I have been on a journey for the last twenty-two years, yes, twenty-two years. For some of you reading this, that is longer than the entirety of your life. For others, it is but a snapshot of your life. I have been on an educational journey to get my college degree and my graduate degree. Twenty-two years. I wish that I could tell you that I have been excellent in the entirety of the journey, but that is not true. I have whined, rebelled, cried, been angry, been bitter, and all the emotions in between. 

  I started my college career at Samford University in 1999; yes, I know; go ahead and sing the Prince song lyrics, I get it. When I went off to school, my parents were in marital strife. They had their good years, that head their rough years, yet they seemed always to be able to figure it out. Yet, with everyone out of the house except for my little brother, things got worse rather than better. This tension only continued, and the strain grew to a breaking point. I was aware of all that was going on, yet I was going through my struggles, adjusting to college life, and figuring out how to pay for it. It all came to a head at the end of my first semester, and I decided to go back home to support my family and be there for my little brother; not an easy one; this meant that my college journey was going to be put on hold. 

  Going back home was no walk in the park; there was much in my family that had become unraveled. I just stepped in and was present for my little brother. I tried to love my mom well and tried to have a somewhat normal relationship with my dad, which was always a struggle up to that point. I tried to be a friend to my little brother and look after him and, in the meantime, tried to hold on to my faith that seemed to be slipping through my fingers in light of the circumstances that I found myself in. I felt like God wasn't keeping his side of the bargain; I didn't sign up for this, I didn't want to be home, I didn't want the responsibility of taking care of a young human, and I definitely didn't want to be helping my parents in their marital issues, yet here I was. 

  My parents ended up getting a divorce, my mom ended up moving to Indiana with someone she decided to walk into a relationship with, my younger brother went with her. I was left at my house with my dad that was mourning the loss of his marriage in his way. I had a former youth pastor reach out to me and invite me to step into my calling in ministry. I was a bit reluctant to do so for so many reasons, but I relented and took a step. The school conversation came up, and I told him that I would look into it. As I looked into it, I realized that the obstacle for me to go to school was more extensive than I thought. The loan that I took out to pay for school was due immediately, and needless to say; I did not have the means to pay it. So I began working and interning in the meantime. I would avoid the topic of school because it made me feel less than all of my friends were pursuing their goals and dreams via walking through their education without any hiccups, so it seemed. I was holding all of these emoticons and hurts in because I thought strong meant that you didn't talk or deal with the hurts. This came to a breaking point one Sunday in church, we had a guest worship leader who was very in tune with the Holy Spirit, and while he was leading us, he said that he sensed that there was someone in the room which was caring more than they could handle and was mad at God for the hand that He seemed to deal them. Well, I knew that he was talking to me, and I started to cry, and the dam broke on all that had been building within me. I shared with the group all that was going on and what the obstacles were with school. A few days after this very vulnerable moment, I received a phone call from a former Sunday school teacher, and he asked me what was standing in the way of school, and I told him, and he told me that he felt led to help and asked if I would allow him to help, reluctantly I said "yes." 

  It took a while for the obstacle to be removed for school to happen, but eventually, it did happen. There were more following; there always seemed to be a problem with financial aid or something that had to do with finances. I also started dating a young lady, moved churches, and then got a full-time opportunity to step into a full-time ministry position. Of course, I accepted it. Still, this tap on my shoulder about the school and those that I worked with continue to remind me about school. I got married, begin having kids, stepped into school online for a while, then moved churches, and this church moved at a breakneck pace, not leaving much extra time for anything outside of being a part of my family. Yet aging, the tap on my shoulder never left, then we moved churches again and started the process of getting acclimated all over again. Still, school was always in the recesses of my mind, not that I needed it to do what I was doing, but because it was a matter of obedience. Then after a few years, an opportunity became available for us to move closer to home, which is Atlanta, and we knew it was right. So we stepped. 

  As we became acclimated to our new ministry invitation and our new city, I had an opportunity to receive assistance with school. As I was presented with this unique opportunity, I was remainder about a graduate school that would allow one student a year to step into the graduate program as long as they could document all the learning they received on their journey to supplement for an undergrad diploma. The requirements were daunting, and even if they could provide enough evidence, the initial semester would be a trial run to see if you could handle the weight of a graduate program. I began the journey of collecting all the information and applying, and to my surprise, I was accepted. I was very nervous about my first semester because it would set the tone for the remainder of my graduate school journey. It had also been a while for me to engage with school while having a full-time job, marriage, and three kids. Was I crazy for trying? Or is this just what obedience looks like? 

Matthew 7:24-27 NIV says this, 

24 "Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

   Even though you are obedient, it doesn't mean that it is easy. It is all about the foundation, the storm still comes, but you can weather the storm because of the foundation. The storm raged, balance a graduate program, being a daddy, husband, camp speaker, full-time pastor, and friend is stormy. There were moments that I wanted to quit; there were moments where I questioned why I was doing this. The reason I was doing it wasn't so people would think more of me, but because I had been invited to go on a journey with the King, one that would refine me and make me more like the King. May I pause here and ask you a question? What is the journey you have been invited to? How is it going? Do you know that in due time through the process, you will look more like the King? Do you know that the journey is not punishment but preparation? Do you know you have been invited to stride with the King and not strive for something you think will fulfill you? The King is enough; stride with Him. 

Matthew 11:28-30 MSG says, 

28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

   The invitation is to walk with the King and stride with him. The invitation is to trust him and allow Him to be enough for the journey. The school's journey was leveraged to reveal to me that I could not do it alone and that I had been invited to stride with the King and we would get to the destination, but the journey was necessary and preparation for the next leg of the journey. 

 After a heck of a journey, after a lot of self-doubts, a lot of sacrifice by my family, a lot of stress-filled hours, after a lot of support from many around me, I graduated with my Master's degree. I learned on this journey that it was not just about the piece of paper that will be hanging on my wall eventually, but it is more about what needed to be revealed as I walked with the King and trusted Him with the next step. There were moments on the journey where I did not journey well, yet, His grace was sufficient. Why did I take the time to write this? Well, for a couple of reasons, the first, it comes back to obedience. This is me continuing to be obedient. The other reason is for you, yes you, maybe you needed a little encouragement to keep going and a bit of a reminder that God is faithful. It says this in the book of Philippians in the first chapter, the sixth verse, "6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

    God didn't bring you this far on the journey to leave you here. Stride with him and say "yes" to your next step of obedience in faith. Know that sometimes the storms will rage, but the King's firm foundation is more than sufficient. Remember to stride with the King and not strive for things. 

Nick

Four years...

 
      I used to think that I was someone that was resilient; I’d see the ‘silver lining’ in whatever came my way. I‘m realizing now, that I am less that way than I thought. It’s funny, you really don’t know you who are until you go through something hard. I feel like pain is a magnifying glass on you, allowing you to see who you really are. Unfortunately I have had ample opportunities to see who I am through this magnifying glass of pain. On some occasions, I haven’t  minded what I saw. On others, I was saddened by what was revealed. But you see the older I get, the more okay I am  with what is revealed. I am figuring something out: the only way to truly make a stride at getting better is to know what’s truly underneath. The really good news is that I am loved, warts and all, by my Heavenly Father. It has taken me a really long time to understand and get a grasp on this. I‘m a performer, presenting what I think people want to or need to see. I am the one that will go great lengths to hide what is truly going on in my heart. But the problem with pain is, it cuts away the pretend to get to the authentic. It allows you to see what is really going on and what is truly underneath it all. It also wears out your pretend muscle. You know, that muscle that you use to hide. It wears it out so that it no longer works. All that is left is you.
     What I have learned about me through pain is this: I’m not as strong or as smart as I thought.  I am not as self reliant and way more broken than I thought. The person that I lie to the most is me. I need others way more than I want to.  Memorizing scripture doesn’t erase the pain that I am experiencing. The cliche things that I used to say just don’t seem to work for me anymore. It’s okay to feel.
     I have also learned that I don’t have to always have it together. I don’t have to always say that I am fine. I don’t always have to force a smile if that is not what I am feeling on the inside. It’s okay if I need to lay in the bed for just another moment in order to garner the strength to face today. I don’t spend time with the Lord to check it off of a box, but to sit with my best friend and be reminded of who I really am.
     You might be wondering where all these thoughts are coming from? What pain am I referring to?The reason all these thoughts are in my head is because I just passed the four year anniversary of my brother, Tony, being killed in a motorcycle accident. You know what, I am still very sad at times. Not all the time, but more than I thought I would be. I see my sons play together from time to time and it makes me both happy and sad. I am happy that my boys love each other.  But I am sad because I had a love like that with Tony and now he’s not here to share it. This isn’t to takeaway from the relationship with my other brothers. Tony and I had something special. I didn’t have to say a word and he would know what I was thinking. He could call me out about something that was lacking and I could receive it.
     The thing I’m missing most right now is Tony’s smile. It would be like finding  a unicorn because it was rare with most people. But I could make it happen more often than not! I also miss his hugs; I do. His laugh was unmistakable. What I have realized is, I still really miss him. I miss him a lot. I miss him more when I talk to his daughter and see her face, because I see him looking back at me.
      I think the biggest takeaway from all of this is that it’s okay to still miss my brother and be sad from time to time. It’s ok because I am loved right where I am, and I am loved strong by God. He has never based his love for me on how well I fake being okay.  He has always loved me full on “while yet I was a sinner, he died for me.” That means, that at my worst, He loved my best. Even though it has been four years and I get sad when I see my boys play, or a Teddy Pendergrass song comes on it’s okay and I am still fully loved. I can be in process because it is about the process! The refining that comes through the magnifying glass of pain.
      So in another four years when I get sad by seeing a Black and Mild package or a Hilton Head island magnet, it’s okay. It’s ok because I know that I’m being refined, it’s just taking longer than I thought.

Stepping into best...

Some months ago, I was spending some time with the Lord and instead of doing what i normally do when I spend time with the Lord, that would be talking, I was listening. Or a better way to state it, I was being still. As I was being still, I felt this impression that it was time to go back  towards home. My family currently lives in Denton, Texas and home is Atlanta, GA. That is about a 14 hour drive. Another side note to this story, I did not have a job in Atlanta, I am all about following the Lord, as long as it is convenient. That pains me to say, but it is as transparent as I can be. So i did what any sane follower of Jesus would do, I ignored the invitation back towards home. Don't worry I made a really strong case why I was right and why what the Lord had invited me to do didn't make any sense. So I kept walking in my direction. 

     Yet the invitation kept being presented to me. Then it kept being presented to me. Let me give you some free information, when Jesus invites you into something, it is best to accept the invitation. Also, you want what he is offering, trust me. So finally, I told Jesus, "if you want me to go towards home, then you have to make a way. Because currently, there is not a way as far as I can tell." Here comes more free info. don't challenge Jesus. He will always exceed the challenge, not always the way you think, but there has never been a challenge that He has been issued that was not overcome. You remember what death tried to do, He ended up dunking on death. I'll press on. A few weeks later I was doing a camp with a buddy of mine and he looked at me and asked, "So when are you going to come back home?" I am not sure if that was exactly what he said, but that is what I heard. I was a little taken back. A few days later I found myself having a conversation with the pastor of his church talking about an opportunity they had available and we both thought that it would be a good fit for me. I failed to mention that this opportunity was south of Atlanta, Atlanta is home.  So we decided that we would continue to talk and to see where this would lead. 

     When I arrived back to Dallas, my wife an I went on a date. I decided that this would be the time to let her know all that was going on in my heart. I told her about the tug back home, I told her about the opportunity that presented itself, and I admitted that I wanted to go back towards home. One of the main reasons I wanted to go home, outside of wanting to be obedient,  was to be closer to my parents and enjoy even more the relationship with my dad. (My dad and I haven't always been close. But due to the Lord leveraging some hard things, him and I are now buddies.) I began crying as I was talking to my wife and as I started to cry she began to cry. Ladies, when you begin to cry, the men in your life are unsure as to what needs to be done. I thought I broke her. Then I asked a very dangerous question, "Why are you crying?" She said, "Me too..." She was feeling the same things about going back towards home. So we decided that no matter what, we were going to head back home. Now all I had to do was to secure a job and tell my friend/lead pastor. 

     I called my pastor and told him I was going to come and see him and I was bringing him coffee. Things typically go better over coffee in my experience. So I went to his house and I told him everything. After I was done spilling my guts and getting over the sick feeling in my stomach, he looked at me and said, "Nick, that sounds right. I don't have any checks in my spirit." Yet another affirmation. I thought in that moment, "I guess we really are going back towards home." 

     The next few weeks were crazy. Things were progressing with the Atlanta opportunity. It was a great fit, but not the best fit. Then all of a sudden, things slowed down with that opportunity. Laura and I both thought that was a bit strange. But we kept walking and trusting. Then we had an end date for work in Dallas, we began to get a little nervous. Then, I felt prompted to send a text to a pastor in TN who had asked me to be his teaching pastor many months prior. I told him that I was looking to go back towards home and wanted to see if the opportunity he contacted me about was still available and he told me that it was still available for me. So we continued to walk and explore that opportunity. Both the Atlanta and the Tennessee opportunity continued to progress. Our prayer during that time was Jesus make it clear. As we continued to walk, that's exactly what he did. We finally realized that He made a way and opened the best door, that door was TN. This journey reminds me of a story about Jesus and one of his disciples on the sea and in a boat. Jesus was on the water, skiing like a boss. Then Peter looks at Jesus and says, "If that is really you, call me out of the boat." If you are familiar with this story, you know what happened next. Jesus calls Peter out of the boat. Peter begins to walk on the water and then realizes that walking on water can't be done and is crazy. So he begins to sink and Jesus, doesn't get mad at him, but extends his hand to raise Peter up. I can relate to this story more so than I ever have. If you think about it, you probably can as well. See in this story, the boat is a great choice. It's safe, it's sturdy, and Peter knew boats well, he was familiar with boats. To step out of the boat, required trust and risk. But is was the best choice. You might not be convinced of this, let me explain. Out of the boat is where Jesus was, wherever Jesus is, that's best! So for me and my family, we want best, we want to go where Jesus is calling us and in this season, it happens to be TN. TN is where we have been called to walk on water. So we are walking. This season has not been an easy one, it has been stretching. Stretching is necessary. We have to be stretched so we can be best prepared for the next task at hand. My prayer for us, meaning my family, is that we wont cling to great things like the boat, but we will be willing to step upon the waters and walk towards what is best. Jesus is always best.

 

Imitators...

     So, I have been a dad for about eight years now. I can't even count all the lessons that I have gleaned through the the blessing of being a dad. In light of Father's Day being around the corner, I have been reminded of one of this particular lessons. Sometimes when it comes to things I have learned, I am quick to forget the lesson and move on to the next thing. But with this one, it resonates and it refines, so it won't let me go. For a very long time, I was almost obsessed with what others thought of me. I was hungry for the big stage so people would know who I was. I was seduced by the job title so that people could see that I had accomplished something and that I was somebody. I was entranced with who I knew so that people would see that the people I knew were cooler than the people they know. It really was a sad reality. Don't let me lead you to believe that I have totally overcome all of this, I am still a work in progress. But the older I get and the more I listen, the less this is becoming what it is all about. I have begun to realize that I am okay if the world does not stand and notice me, I am okay if my title isn't more amazing than the next guy's, I am even okay that if the stages I grace are in my community and not on a national scale. I have begun to discover what is most important. First, it is okay that I am content to be loved by God and to be a son of the King. That sounds simple, but that realization was forged through me a dark day. Secondly, I have been blessed to love a woman that truly is a gift and bonus, she likes me. I mean she really, really does. She even thinks that after all this time that I am attractive and she loves me more today than she did yesterday, wow. Talk about being blessed. I haven't always looked at it that way, but these days I realize what a huge blessing it is. Thirdly, and this is where I want to lean in, I get to be a daddy. Yes, fatherhood is not something to be endured, but enjoyed. It has taken me a minute to allow this to take root in my heart. But not only has it taken root, but it has begun to bloom.
     A little of a year ago, my wife, lead my little girl Ava-Grace into relationship with Jesus. Then I got to baptize my little girl at church. This was one of the sweetest moments of my life. Who was I, that would be blessed with such an opportunity to baptize my daughter?What a gift that the Lord had entrusted me with. Then a few months ago, my son Jackson and I were talking about Jesus and he was asking me questions and then he told me that he wanted to ask Jesus to be his best friend. He told me that he know that he made mistakes but that his mistakes had been paid for because Jesus died on a cross and that his dad raised him from the dead and because of this, He could live with Jesus forever and he wanted to do that. I was very reluctant, this kid is only 5, I thought. Does he really get it? I questioned. Then I was reminded by the Holy Spirit to let the children come to me. I did not want to stand in the way of what the Lord was doing. So while my son was in the bed, I walked him into relationship with Jesus. I teared up a lot doing the process, I was overwhelmed that the Lord would allow me to be a part of what He was doing in the heart of my son. I was overwhelmed that as frustrated that I get with my son because he is all boy and forgets his middle name at times, he would allow me to be the one to be a part of this. Then, like a wave that is about to crash, it hit me, this is what a dad does. A dad loves, serves, and demonstrates the love of God. We are a catalyst of the wonder and awesomeness of God. Then I also realized, there is no better calling or place I would rather be than by my son's bed and telling him about Jesus. So many times I wonder, am I doing enough? Am I leading well? Am I enough? Just like a whisper in the dark, the Lord said to me, "Nick, you are enough and fix your eyes on me and follow and allow your son to follow you as you follow me." It says it this way in scripture...
     
     “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬
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     I am really good at making things complicated, but that simple truth resonated loudly with me. I am okay if I never walk on another stage as long as I am allowed to follow Jesus and have my kids follow that. It has taken me a long time to get to this point and as I have mentioned earlier, I still battle and wrestle with this truth. But I have been made aware that there is nothing sweeter than following Jesus and having your kids follow you. It is also relieving, as I fix my eyes on Jesus and step, my kids will watch that and hopefully do the same thing. Last week, I got to baptize my son in our pool in our backyard. There were not a lot of people there, because my son gets anxious in crowds. It was just him and I in the pool and his brother, sister and mom on the pool deck. I asked him about Jesus and he answered me and then I baptized him. There was applause from the family and a hug from his dad. And that was enough. And I am learning that maybe those tender intimate moments are really what it is all about. The Lord has called me to steward what he has entrusted me with and I am becoming more and more okay with that. So to you who has been entrusted with much, much is required. To you who questions if you are enough, you are enough, because your Heavenly Father says you are enough. May you steward well what you have been entrusted with and may you taste and see that the Lord is good.

     Nick, still in process but taking steps.
         
   

So now what...

     To say this has been a week of transition would not do this week justice. For many in the nation, the person that was voted into office, was not the person they voted for. Many woke up Wednesday morning with a pit in their stomach and a lump in their throat. This weekend, sport's fans watched as 3 out of the 4, top four teams lost. Granted, the implications of this are far less than the presidential candidate, but for many it feels on the same level. So since what is done is done, how do we swallow the pill that I call disappointment. It is a pill that we will all have to swallow, if you have not yet had to take the medicine of being let down, know that it is coming. So what now? When disappointment looks as if it is a mountain that is unscalable, how do you keep climbing in spite of your feeling weary every step of the way. What is the fuel that will keep you going? These are all hard questions, I don't have the answer, but whenever I am at a loss, I have learned that the best place to turn is Jesus. Jesus experienced his fair share of disappointment. The whole being crucified by the people that he came to save, had to be on the disappointing side. So what did he do? I am glad you asked.
     John 18:1-11 says this, “When Jesus had spoken these words, he went out with his disciples across the brook Kidron, where there was a garden, which he and his disciples entered. Now Judas, who betrayed him, also knew the place, for Jesus often met there with his disciples. So Judas, having procured a band of soldiers and some officers from the chief priests and the Pharisees, went there with lanterns and torches and weapons. Then Jesus, knowing all that would happen to him, came forward and said to them, "Whom do you seek?" They answered him, "Jesus of Nazareth." Jesus said to them, "I am he." Judas, who betrayed him, was standing with them. When Jesus said to them, "I am he," they drew back and fell to the ground. So he asked them again, "Whom do you seek?" And they said, "Jesus of Nazareth." Jesus answered, "I told you that I am he. So, if you seek me, let these men go." This was to fulfill the word that he had spoken: "Of those whom you gave me I have lost not one." Then Simon Peter, having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest's servant and cut off his right ear. (The servant's name was Malchus.) So Jesus said to Peter, "Put your sword into its sheath; shall I not drink the cup that the Father has given me?"”
‭‭John‬ ‭18:1-11‬ ‭ESV‬‬
     To say that Jesus was having a bad day would be a gross understatement. He asked his disciples to stay awake and pray for Him, they fell asleep. One of his close friends for the last three years, betrayed him. A bad day. Yet, what did He do. He kept walking. So what encouragement can we draw from this, keep walking. Prayerfully, intentionally keep walking. Pray for wisdom, pray for those around you, and keep walking being the change you desire to see in this world. So I invite you to keep walking. Let's be about something and not just talk about something. Keep walking. As we walk, let's invite others to walk with us. Eventually, we will get to where we need to go. 

Real being real...

     There comes times in every one's life, where it seems as if the world is crumbling around you. You know that it is not crumbling, but it seems as if it is. We all know that perception is viewed as truth. I have to admit, this is one of those times for me. I am sitting in the airport getting ready to fly back to Atlanta and I am alone with my thoughts. It is very therapeutic for me to right down what I am thinking and feeling in hopes that it will help others as well as help myself. Yesterday, I got the high honor of speaking at the home going service of my grandmother. Hear me, it truly was an honor, but just because it was an honor doesn't mean that it wasn't hard. What was interesting for me was it was at the church i grew up in, Mt. Ephraim Baptist Church. What is also interesting it is where I have my earliest memories of someone telling me that they thought I would be a pastor someday. It was a bit of a full circle for me. On top of that, as I was flying in on Sunday, I heard some tragic news that a buddy of mine from Nashville had lost his life in a car wreck, he is leaving behind his wife and three kiddos. Wow, I am still processing this. Then yesterday I received some news from a buddy that was not the best, that impacts his family in a big way. So as I sit here in the Atlanta airport sipping on my Starbucks (there were no local coffee shops available, don't judge me my hipster homies), a question keeps coming up in my head and my heart. The question is this, "Do i believe what I say about the Lord, or do I say what I say because I am suppose to?" If I may be really transparent here, that is a hard question. I have given my life to living what I say. So to ask such a question that could unearth so much, is dangerous. Or is it not so much dangerous as it is necessary? I believe that it is a very necessary question. The answer that I came to is, that I believe what I say. Better answer is, I believe what the Lord says about who He is. Best way to explain how I came to this conclusion is by telling you a story about breakfast this morning. You may be thinking what does breakfast have to do with such a profound question. I am glad you asked. Let me attempt to explain it to you. My dad and I went to breakfast at Waffle House this morning, which I was very much looking forward to, the Waffle Houses in Texas do not compare to the Waffle Houses in Georgia. The ones in Texas or a little off. Let's get back on track, my dad and I sat at breakfast this morning and we talked. We talked about my grandmother, we talked about marriage, we talked about my brother that has passed, we talked about family dynamics, we talked about all kind of things. We laughed, we got quiet, we laughed some more. My dad dropped my off at the airport and I grabbed my dad's hand and told him that I loved him and he told me to call him when I got home and I told him that I would. That might not seem like a big deal, but that has not always been the dynamic of me and my dad's relationship. We have come a long, long way to say the least. The journey to get to where we are now, led us through a lot of pain. What I am learning is to get to God's best and the destination He has for us, typically will involve something hard. I just look at what Jesus endured on the cross, but I look to what happened after the cross, death being defeated and Jesus is now seated on the throne, because the redemption of man has been completed. So this is not blind faith I am talking about, it is evidence faith. I have seen the evidence of the Lord working the hard, painful, difficult things out for the good. So I am going to trust what I have seen and remember that if He is able to redeem the painful things, He is able to do it again. I think maybe I need to repeat that for myself again and maybe for someone who is reading this, He is able to do it again. Redemption is what He does. I know that I have more tears to cry, I know that more pain will come, I know that the way will grow cloudy, but I also know that He will wipe the tears, that He is the balm for my soul, and that He will make a way when there seems to be no way. I know I will need to be reminded of this truth, I am good a forgetting what I need to remember. I know that he will remind me. I understand that this journey will not always be fun, but I know that I don't go alone. I am choosing to trust. I am choosing to remember what is true. I am choosing to take a step, even though that step is a hard one. One step at a time and I know I will get to where I need to go. So for those that are weary, for those that are broken, for those that are struggling. Know He has not forgotten you, know He sees you, know you don't walk alone. This is just me being real, transparent, and vulnerable. I have not arrived and I realize that this is a journey, but I am choosing to continue to walk. 

With Open Hands...

    On Friday, January 2, 2015 I was on my way to our old stomping ground for a little conference called Passion. You may have heard of it; they've put out a few worship albums. I was pretty excited to go with some college students and young adults from LongHollow on our first trip as a ministry. As we were driving to Atlanta, I prayed that everyone would get something great; maybe even something life changing. I never thought I'd be the one experiencing life change. But isn't that way The Lord works? Just when we least expect it He shows up in a mighty way?
     The night started out strong with worship through music.  As I was singing, I felt the Lord begin to stir my heart. It wasn't the amazing music or musicians, but the Holy Spirit, preparing my heart to hear from the Lord. Louie Giglio got up and shared John 19, verse 30, " [30] When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." (John 19:30 ESV) Louie shared that "it is finished" in Greek is "Tetelestai," meaning that it is paid in full, it is sufficient, it is complete. Then he went on to tie in Hebrews 10:11-14 which says,"And every priest stands daily at his service, offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." (Hebrews 10:11-14 ESV)

     Those words were like a lighting bolt to my soul! Then he said, "based on Jesus completing it and paying our debt in full, we are able to do whatever it is that He has called us to do, because it is finished!" I began to chew on those words and that scripture. As the conference continued, I felt as if every speaker, communicating truth from God's word, supported that initial thought.

     This next part, I remember like it was yesterday! We had a break before the last late session and the Lord continued to speak to my heart. I knew the gravity of the truth that I heard. I knew what it meant for me and ultimately what it meant for my family. 

     You see, for a long time I have struggled with feeling inadequate about what the Lord has called me to do. I would have thoughts like, "I'm not educated enough, not good enough at communicating your word, and am not sinless enough to minister to those around me." The truth that Louie shared fell on my ears in a fresh, new way. I realized that my calling was not based on me, it was based on the One who defeated death, it was based on the One whose enemies would be made His footstool because the Lord had "finished it." I was able to fulfill what I knew I'd been called to do: communicate God's word to the masses.  I realized I'd never embrace it because I was distracted by my inadequacies. That was one of the most freeing moments I've had. My view has changed! The reason I'm able to do what the Lord has called me to do is based on Jesus...not on Nick.  It was as if the Lord released a very tight noose from around my neck. In that moment, I was able to embrace who the Lord had called me to be. 

   A few weeks later, I was sitting at a coffee shop in Nashville when I get a phone call from a buddy of mine that I used to work with.  The normal small talk ensued until he got to the reason he'd called.   He began to tell me how he and his lead pastor were talking about a new teaching pastor position at their church. My buddy shared with the pastor that he knew someone who might fit that role. When I got of the phone, I had a strange feeling that this new opportunity was most likely part of what the Lord had called me to. But, I was now in a place to see and hear it. 

    As the weeks progressed, I talked to the lead pastor, Laura and I met him and his wife and the Lord began to knit our hearts together in only a way that only He can. We visited the church in Dallas, TX,  and I had an opportunity to speak to the congregation. Through that, the Lord continued to reveal to us that this is where He was calling us. Many silent prayers that hadn't been voiced in the open were also being answered through this opportunity. 

     One of the coolest moments was when Laura shared that she felt like Texas was our new home and we'd found our church. It is amazing how the voice of the Holy Spirit and hers sound very similar at times. 

    When we prepared to leave and head back to Nashville, Laura would say that it felt like we were leaving home to go back to Nashville. That's how clear the Lord had shown Himself in this decision. It's funny how just a few days in the place that the Lord has prepared for you could feel so right, whole and complete.

     Needless to say, the last couple of months have been a mix of emotions; uncertainty, excitement and deep sadness. But we can confidently say that "we the people" are heading to Dallas, TX to be the Next Gen. Teaching Pastor at Cross Timbers Community Church. Leaving our Tennessee home at Long Hollow Baptist Church is not an easy goodbye.  We've grown to love and care for this sweet, tightly knight community.  But we also know that obedience is more important than comfort and security; even when it's stained with tears.    

    Sunday, May 3, 2015 is our last day on staff at LongHollow. We are excited for the things to come, but saddened to end such an amazing chapter.  But isn't it true that in order to begin a new chapter the one before must end?

    We would appreciate prayers over the next month as we transition to a new place, new friends and a new home.  As always, we are looking forward to what the Lord is going to do with "we the people." 

Love, The Person Family